I find it interesting that so many people in their mid-twenties, especially when they turn 25, like to say they are experiencing a quarter life crisis. Specifically on Instagram, as they pose in fancy outfits, smiling and dancing, or with a birthday cake. Maybe they are eluding to an unknown strife, but the photos do not reflect a crisis.
Last year when I turned 25, I was extremely happy, with no plans to have a crisis. However, in the last year many things changed unexpectedly. I ended a relationship, had both my grandfathers’ die and lose a friendship that I thought would be life-long. In that same time, I found a new job, traveled, repaired friendships and met someone who makes me happier than I could have ever anticipated.
I do not believe I had a quarter life crisis, but I also believe everything happens for a reason. Either way I can assure you I did not publicize the possibility on social media. The phrase is used more as a catchy caption then a reflection of a person’s inner conflicts.
Now that I’m nearing my birthday, I can’t help but reflect on all the changes I experienced. I have found happiness in new, unexpected ways. During this year I also learned a lot in a very short period of time. When I recall my life from a year ago, I feel like I was a different person, unsure of what I was doing, stressed, trying to manage and in a way, happy. Here are some of the lessons I learned.
- If a relationship is constantly causing stress or anxiety – take time to separate from it.
One of the biggest realizations I had was that in relationships, you have to take care of yourself. So often I develop relationships, mostly friendships, where I end up doing most of the consoling, initiating and listening. As a result, I stress about the person, wondering if they even care for me when I am giving them all the support I can muster. While occasionally a person might need extra support, to have this pressure on yourself constantly makes it a toxic relationship. One of the milestones I had this year was that I stopped initiating with a person whom I’ve had multiple people tell me did not treat me right. And I haven’t missed them a bit since they’ve been gone from my life. - Offer forgiveness.
Connected to the above lesson, I did cut off one friend who I then ran into several months later. She was having severe health issues. While talking with her, I realized putting my grievances behind me was important to offer her support during that time. Now, we are closer than ever, and I have had candid conversations with her about our past. She has been able to not only share her side, but recognize the pain she had caused me and apologize. - Tell people your goals.
Especially career ones. I have had the great fortune of friends and family sending me job opportunities in the exact moments after I tell them I am looking for a new endeavor. Often, I have been blessed to receive a job offer. I thoroughly believe telling people your goals and aspirations can help you achieve them. Whether they send you opportunities, offer verbal support or hold you accountable by just checking in, it is good to talk about one’s dreams.
A goal is a dream with a deadline
Napoleon Hill, author
4. Keep your obligations.
They surprisingly might be the solution you weren’t expecting. During 2021, and the beginning of 2022, I gave myself obligations that I secretly prayed I would get told I no longer needed to keep. It ranged from job commitments, to travel, to celebrations. I believed I was too tired or sad to participate in these activities, and that they would make me feel worse. I was wrong. On more than one occasion, these obligations brought me unexpected joy and peace. The very things I was searching for while trying to avoid them. I had forgotten that obligations can create growth and offer a new perspective. While I am sure that I will grumble about future ones, I continue to make these commitments, knowing there are hidden benefits I will discover.
5. Say what you are feeling.
The biggest lesson I learned in 2021, was to tell people what you are feeling and not to hide your emotions. I used to have so much stress pent up inside of me, afraid of people finding out anything from me liking them, to me thinking they’re boyfriend is manipulative to me deliberating cutting someone out of my life because of how I felt they have treated me. Sharing what you are feeling is one of the best ways to process the emotion. Otherwise you are in a limbo waiting for something to happen that might never occur. The best baby step to work on sharing? Journaling.
6. The final lesson I want to share – give yourself grace.
As someone who overthinks and will re-live pain and moments involuntarily, my good friend reminded me that I need to give myself grace. I am more than willing to listen and have empathy for other people, but then hold myself to a higher, unrealistic, standard. Giving yourself grace means remembering you are human – not perfect- and that everyone makes mistakes or feels inadequate at times. It doesn’t mean you are any less wonderful because of it. We all get these opportunities to learns and grow. If we didn’t, life would be mundane. We would never change.
Chasing serendipity 