The lessons I’ve learned

If I could think back on where I was a year ago, and see myself where I am today, I never would have predicted how happy and content I am, nor believed that so many good things could happen when it feels like everyone is telling you the world is falling apart.

Below is a list of the major personal take aways I’ve had from my “year” – March 2020 into 2021.

1. Have faith things will work out
   • If 2021 has done anything, it has made me believe things really do happen for a reason. The COVID-19 pandemic was completely unexpected, and the first several months of it I was paranoid and anxious. However, looking back, I can see that the pandemic enabled me to move out of a toxic living situation with my landlord, reunite with my family, move to an area I love and be closer to friends. I am 1000xs happier then I was at the beginning of 2020, even before the pandemic. It has enabled me to increase my savings, become more involved in my community and develop new relationships. None of this would have been possible had my entire life not been thrown upside down.
2. Learn the difference between what you can control vs. cannot control
   • For the longest time my anxiety related to the pandemic directly correlated with trying to control everything in my power to not get COVID-19. Despite this, I still got COVID. I remember I left my house once in a two week time period to pick up food, followed all the social distancing guidelines, and I still got sick. My case was fortunately very mild, and no one I lived with got it from me. Afterwards, I was angry, because I had done nothing “wrong” to get the disease. But it made me learn that just because you do everything “right” doesn’t mean everything always goes to plan. It’s helped me release a lot of unspoken pressure I had on myself to do everything perfectly.
3. Remember to take time for yourself
   • I feel like this is one point I have learned and re-learned over and over again the past few months. This year has served as a reminder that taking time for oneself can mean socializing, taking on hobbies, or spending healthy time alone to either reflect or recharge. It all depends on what you need in the moment. It takes time to learn how to recognize what you need, but it is valuable in life.
4. Don’t be afraid to communicate your thoughts
   • In the past, I’ve always considered myself a direct communicator. But this year has shown me the value of speaking up when people are personally offensive. Sometimes, they do not realize that what they have said is harmful to an individual. Other times, they say it out of spite. Regardless, saying something, rather then glazing over a possible confrontation, is better for the psyche.
5. What feels like a step back can sometimes actually be a step forward
   • Life is not a linear path. Moving back home felt like the opposite of my goal in 2020, but it has been the best thing for me in terms of being a happier person. Along with this, giving up on goals does not automatically mean failure. Sometime a break from a challenge offers time to be refreshed and get a new perspective, leading to unexpected solutions. In my personal life there have been too many ironic moments where I have accepted that something is just not meant to happen and instead chose to have faith that things will fall into place when they are meant to, only for them to almost magically happen before my eyes. Releasing the pressure on yourself to always be moving in one direction gives freedom for things to fall into place that you never expected.

The paths of life are often unexpected, and can lead you in directions you never anticipated. But this is part of what makes life – the surprises and challenges of things not going to plan. I am hopeful for the future, blessed to be where I am, and faithful with God that things will fall into place.

A Pandemic Plot-twist

With coronavirus, it seems like everyone’s plans have gone up in the air. From job opportunities to weddings, major life events are getting rescheduled or shuffled around. Just like everyone else, I had a very different plan in mind for the year 2020 until the pandemic resulted in a country-wide shut down.

I was ready to run away from 2019, seek new opportunities and accomplish more. I felt like I had been stuck in a rut with limited opportunities. Unsurprisingly I feel different now. Looking back on 2019, I realize I accomplished a lot, and that it was a great year. But it took the plot-twist of 2020 to make me realize and feel grateful for everything I had done the year before.

A rainbow over a farm in Maryland. Brighter days are ahead.

When the shutdown first started, I was afraid, assuming the worst-case scenario with every situation. For over six weeks at the beginning of the shutdown, I never left the house. I was anxious for everyone in my family who had to leave the house to work. I felt a lack of control not only of the situation (which was uncontrollable), but also for myself. It was only after accepting that not everything can be planned or calculated, and that the risks are not as intimidating as they seem that I felt like I could begin readjusting to leaving my home.

One of the good things that came from the pandemic was that I moved back in with my family and ended my lease for the space I had been renting. Not only have I saved money, but I’ve been surrounded by my family who has offered me support throughout these past months. Being surrounded by people who care for me and who I love has made this time easier to manage.  

Over the past few months, the situation in Maryland has fortunately continued to improve, and I have adjusted to the changes that have impacted the country. Time feels as if it has both moved quickly and stood still with days and weeks blurring together.

At the beginning of the year, I picked a lock screen for my phone I liked. It says: “All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to us,” from J. R. R. Tolkien. 2020 is not yet over, and there is no doubt in my mind that it will continue to evolve. I hope to make the most of it, and whatever challenges that may come my way. And, maybe, begin trying to plan again.

A six month countdown

Earlier this year I created a bucket list of 24 items to complete before I turned 24 on the 24th of February… in other words, my 24 by 24 by 24 bucket list. This past month was the halfway point from when I set these goals, and it seems only appropriate to give an update.

Volunteering selling ice cream at the Maryland State Fair!

As the year has progressed, some things have changed – some goals have been edited, and alternatives or “bonuses” have been added. Most of these alternative/bonus goals were ones I had considered putting on the list when I was created it, but then initially decided they did not cut the top 24.

While I do have conflicting thoughts on changing goals, I think at the end of the day having alternatives is more realistic for me, especially when considering all the unknown factors that can impact a year. Instead of feeling guilty for changing a goal, I can recognize the fact that the ways I want to push myself evolve as the year progresses, letting me explore new opportunities and challenges.

Below is a list of my goals – along with an update by each one

24 by 24 by 24

1. Try a new restaurant each month
   • On track to completion!
2. Do a 100-day challenge
   • Walked 10,000 steps a day from May through August.
3. Go to a festival (of some sort)
   • Attended the Maryland Sheep and Wool Festival.
4. Sew an Outfit
   • Had to adjust this goal – the contest I initially wanted to enter in is on the same day as a wedding. Instead I have decided to sew a dress for the wedding as my new goal!
5. Find a new hobby  (join a club)
   • Recently I have become active in a local organization to my county- so this goal is on its way to completion!
6. Make something extreme (think art)
   • I’ve been brainstorming – but I’m open to ideas!
7. Have a Photo Shoot
   • Technically, I did do a photo shoot this past summer (although it was with my sister, and not with my wonderful friend Gillian (hi!)). However, this is a goal that I’ve been reevaluating. Lately I’ve been more interested in taking photos, and think my new goal may be to go out and experiment taking more of nature.
8. LOTR Extended Movie Marathon/visit Kamille in NYC!
9. Start and keep a gratitude journal (at least 2xs a week)
   • I am happy to say that this is one of my goals I have been consistent on! It has helped me remember all the good things in life.
10. Bake a dessert and gift some of it out
    • Hopefully will be completed soon.
11. Designate time each week for meditation
    • This goal is in progress. While I have been conscientious about taking care of myself, I still have not solidified a meditation routine.
12. Go to a baseball game (with friends!)
    • I honestly to not know if this one will happen before the baseball season ends, in which case it may be one of the goals I end up editing/switching with an alternative!
13. Do a styling trip with Tevin
    • Another goal I need to organize a meet-up for!
14. Go hiking with a new friend
    • Completed!
15. Write a collection of poems/short story
    • Wrote some poetry while fulfilling my writing retreat goal!
16. Read 24 books
    • Thus far, I have read 11 books and am simultaneously working on numbers 12 and 13. Hoping to finish one soon!
17. Have a writing retreat with Laura and Abby
    • Participated in CampNano Wrimo 🙂
18. Go to a new city by myself and spend a day there
    • I’ve been to several new cities this year, so this goal could be considered completed, but I plan to continue to push myself!
19. Give up soda for a month
    • I am currently working on this goal!
20. Visit Nicole in NY State
21. Go to a concert
    • I could argue I’ve been to one already this year, but I’m holding out to see if I go to more!
22. Sing karaoke
    • The more I think about this goal, the less enthusiastic I feel about it, haha.
23. Take a class on something I’m interested in (surfing, painting, ext.)
    • This goal I’ve done a lot of research on. All that is left is to sign up for a class and complete it!
24. Run an under 10-minute mile
    • Surprisingly enough, this goals was actually not difficult to complete!

A picture I took while hiking along the coast of France in April, 2019.

The new “alternative” or “bonus” goals I have allowed myself to include are:

• Try 24 new Recipes
• Getting another piercing
• Cleaning out my room/Donating clothes
• Visiting my friend Katie

From my original list, I have completed 12 goals – so thankfully it looks like I am on track to complete them on time! However, this count includes my on-going goals – meaning I still have a number of goals that occur once I need to complete!

Believe you can and you’re halfway there.

Theodore Roosevelt

So far this year has had some great times as well as unforeseen challenges. Moving forward I am excited to continue experiencing all of these, and regardless of what life throws at me I will continue pursuing these challenges.

Dangers of Goal Setting

I love creating goals, writing bucket lists, and thinking of everything I hope to accomplish in life. Currently, I have four different lists of goals I’m working on in my personal life, and another list I keep for my job. And while I love all these lists, and still find my self brainstorming more ideas of what I want to accomplish, I need to address the dangers of goal setting.

Obviously, I have an excessive number of goals I hope to accomplish, or at least too many lists. Two of these lists are aimed to be accomplished in a single year – including my 24 by 24 by 24 list (which I hope to finish by my 24th birthday) and my annual(calendar year) list of goals. I have a lifetime goal list, which I created using the steps I detailed in a previous blog post, and a list of random challenges I think of spontaneously and write in my planner for safe keeping to work on, or possibly incorporate in a future list (that doesn’t sound crazy).

One of my goals from my 24 by 24 by 24 list was to eat at one new restaurant each month. In March, I went to O’Leary’s Seafood Restaurant

However, while all of these lists give me a starting point to think about the steps I need to take to accomplish them, it also leads to me feeling overwhelmed. All of the goals I write I know I can accomplish. But it becomes frightening when I go a week or two and feel like I haven’t been able to check off anything from my lists – even if I am working on goals. Or realize I can’t even remember some of my goals because there are so many.

Part of this is because some of the goals I am working on require lots of time to accomplish, or are seasonal. That, or I picked them purposefully because I knew they would be a “delayed satisfaction” type of goal. Often I do exactly what I want when I think of it. Which is not a bad thing, but I wanted to incorporate challenges in my life that I can work towards, and not just accomplish in a day or less.

I am very aware of the fact that I tend to live in my head, and this can lead to me fantasizing about the future and all I hope to accomplish, or fixating on what I haven’t accomplished yet. And this negative thinking can put a damper on working towards these goals.

A solution could be to add already near accomplished tasks to the lists. Tasks that a person has been working on that they know they will soon achieve. I do have some goals like this, many of which I have been working on for years, and it does not feel like a cop-out to add them. However, it does not feel right to me to add a simple goal to a list just to check something off.

“A goal properly set is halfway reached.”

Zig Ziglar, American Author

Retroactive goal adding is a little different. Sometimes I do think it makes sense to add a major life accomplishment to a list, if for no other reason then to recognize something great you accomplished and documenting it somewhere. However, not every job well done needs to be recognized on a list.

Finally, fixating on lists of goals in itself is unnecessary and dangerous. Yes, I love my lists, and will continue to reference them for inspiration. But I don’t want to feel tied down to them, or limited with my life options because I feel like I need to check things off by a certain time or in a particular order. For me, these lists above all else are meant to bring me joy and a creative outlet, so that I can live a purposeful life and not forget the happiness I felt from facing challenges and pushing myself out of my comfort zone.

In other words, goals are good – recognizing something you hope to accomplish and writing it down is just one way of holding yourself accountable to figure out how to fulfill them. But holding yourself accountable to an excessive number can lead to feelings of disappointment and stress. That’s why its important to remember that goals are meant to be enjoyable. Yes, some are required to be done, but by completing them, there should be at least a feeling of success. That’s why I am going to continue using my lists for inspiration, but also keeping in mind that life continues to happen, even where I’m trying to make plans to check off a goal.

“Man Plans and God Laughs.”

Yiddish Proverb

24 by 24 by 24

If there is one thing I love to do, it is to brainstorm all the possible achievement I could reach in my life. However, most of the time these thoughts drift in and out of my head, and I easily forget them for long periods of time without realizing I had even thought of trying to reach these goals.

Celebrating my 23rd birthday with family and caramel icing chocolate cake.

My 24 by 24 by 24 list is the set of goals I am setting for myself to achieve by the time I turn 24. Every year I make a bucket list, however these goals are specifically tailored to be achieved by my birthday (My bucket list would be a whole different story).

I call it 24 by 24 by 24 because I want to achieve 24 goals by my 24th birthday on February 24, 2020. When I first had the idea of creating this list, I brainstormed all the possible goals I could achieve. However, I felt that it was limiting to brainstorm by myself. Thus, I decided to reach out to family and friends (both old and new) to help me compile a list of possible challenges to try and complete.

My list of goal ideas, courtesy of family and friends.

After writing all of these suggestions down in one list, I began marking off the ones I liked, I thought were feasible and could push me a bit out of my comfort zone. And by this past February 24, 2019, I had completely compiled my list.

Having written down all these goals, I felt enthusiastic about the year and all these possibilities. However, within the week since my Birthday, I have already had moments of doubt and concern about achieving all the goals on this list. I have had second-thoughts about these dreams I’ve had. Despite these feelings, I still want to put the list here, on my blog. Because I love the challenge of trying to achieve them all more than the fear that I will fail. It is still possible I could fail, but it is more about pushing myself and having these experiences then being a “winner” or a “loser.”

So without further ado, here is my list:

24 by 24 by 24

1. Try a new restaurant each month
2. Do a 100-day challenge
3. Go to a festival (of some sort)
4. Enter the MMIWW Contest (sew a wool outfit)
5. Find a new hobby (aka join a club)
6. Make something extreme (think art)
7. Have a Photo Shoot (w/Gillian 😀 )
8. LOTR Extended Movie Marathon (with Kamille)
9. Start and keep a gratitude journal (at least 2xs a week)
10. Bake a dessert and gift some of it out
11. Designate time each week for meditation
12. Go to a baseball game (with friends!)
13. Do a styling trip (with Tevin)
14. Go hiking with a new friend
15. Write a collection of poems/short story
16. Read 24 books
17. Have a writing retreat with Laura and Abby
18. Go to a new city by myself and spend a day there
19. Give up soda for a month
20. Visit Nicole in NY
21. Go to a concert
22. Sing karaoke
23. Take a class on something I’m interested in (surfing, painting, ext.)
24. Run an under 10-minute mile

I don’t plan on completing these in any particular order, but I do hope to achieve them all. Having goals gives me inspiration for what I can do when I feel like I have nothing I’m aiming to fulfill. I’m hoping that by accomplishing these goals it could lead to new experiences and friendships. I also hope to begin leading a healthier lifestyle and push myself further from my comfort zone. I know in the past these lists have helped me accomplish my goals and learn new facts about myself, and I hope by sharing this list it holds me accountable to my goals as well as inspires others to think more deeply about what they wish to accomplish.